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Ah – going back to one of my fav movies – Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Written and directed by Tobe Hooper and Kim Henkel. Whats that I hear you say – Inferno reviewing a film about a chainsaw wielding crazy guy slaughtering his way through a group of teenagers. Well this film was the very first film, it pre dates Halloween and created slasher/horror film genre, which is ideas are still borrowed from to this day.

The film starts off with a group of 5 teenagers driving across texas to visit a former family home and also check on some family graves which may have been desecrated. On the way they run into a family of cannibals who seem to need to stock up their pantry. So one after the next they are all butchered by the chilling and scary leather face.

This film is a true classic. The acting is superb. I mean the 5 teenagers are a standard slasher film herd. Who meet their end in rather brutal ways. However Franklin, who is in a wheelchair, is one of the most annoying characters, probably gets it the worst. The teenagers don’t make this film interesting, the crazy family of cannibals do. The family consists of old man, leahterface, the hitchhiker and grandpa

Special mention to leather face played by Gunnar Hansen,  a rather large imposing hulk of a man, parading round, wearing a face mask of human skin. He Looks superb and plays the executes (no pun intended) the part superbly. Ok he doesn’t have any dialogue, but I suppose if your running around in the dark with a live running chainsaw your mind would be elsewhere.

One of the gruesome scenes is when a young lady is hung on a meat hook, and watched as her boyfriend is butchered in front of her. I don’t know what it is about this scene but it sends chills down my spine every time.

This film doesn’t really use special effects – real running chainsaw, real blood pretty much real everything. This was made in the 70’s when health and saftey didnt exist and they had to do it for real.

·         When Sally has her finger cut to feed grandpa, Gunnar Hansen actually cut her finger with a razor.

·         When he is slicing up a one fo the teenagers with his trusty chainsaw - the actor had to lie still while the real running chainsaw was held inches from his face.

·         The film crew actually gathered road kill and decorated the house with it. You get the idea. None of this CGI shit that is overdone these days and frankly ruins films.

What is chilling about this is that there is no specific reason given as to why this family of cannibals exists or why they butcher anyone that comes there way. Its simply – they are there and thats what they do. Aint nothing about taking revenge, or settling scores, or any of this other bollocks they came with all the copy cat films.

This genius of this film is the fact it would appear to be one the most gory and violent films you ever see, though there isn’t actually a lot of blood, and you don’t actually see that much violence – its all implied and happens offscreen. Gritty, realistic, savage – this film is not to be missed.

This was the highest grossing independent film until Halloween came along a few years later and was banned in most countries and only released i think late 90’s / early 00’s.

Quote of the movie:  “thats the last god dam hitchhiker I ever pickup”

Rating: 8/10

Just watch it!

Grindhouse

Another snowed in weekend for us in fightrunner land lead us to seeing that Grindhouse was showing in the local picture house. Now given that the last time these 2 directors teamed up was in the Brilliant Sin City, the thought of Rodruguez and Tarantino teaming up make an homage to Exploitation movies was intruguing to say the least. So for th e first time the fightrunner team got together , put our woolies on and braved the extreme conditions ( A slight dusting of snow on the ground) to see what was what.

Now Grindhouse was released back in 2007 as a 3 hour double feature in the USA and then when released in Europe both movies where released separately and extended each to a 2hr30min run-time word was at first that the yanks didn’t get what it was all about but upon watching the restored double feature the logic behind each movie being released separately becomes clear as day.

The opening half is the Rodriguez directed Planet terror a tribute to good old fashioned zombie movies. The plot as recognizable as an invasion of the undead, nasty experimental government research chemical gets released by accident and small town gets infected loner anti hero distrusted by the grumpy sheriff leads them to salvation out of said small town.Planet terror is great fun smart, gory and packed with the blackest humour. Also the casting is spot on Rose McGowan as the sassy heroine, Freddy Rodriguez as the loner, Josh Brolin as the evil doctor, Michael Biehn (Good to see him back) as the grumpy small town Sheriff all hit their marks well and all seem too understand the tongue in cheek humour. The body count here is sky high and the car charge through hordes of infected is both thrilling and hilarious at the same time and testament to the director for putting the lead man in a mini motorcycle and somehow making it seem plausible. Also a thumbs up to Rose McGowan who features in that iconic role as the sexiest amputee femme fatale to date(come to think of it ever as Femme Fatale amputees are a rare breed!). But to the director a sterling job done in walking that thin line between Parody and Homage and on its own Planet terror is an excellent Horror movie well worth checking out with great cast, action, music and overall direction.

Now this brings us to the second feature which at the very least is different to what came before. On the face of it it sounds like it can’t fail Kurt Russel as an ex-stuntman who prowls on groups of young girls in his Death proof car whilst being directed by the master of the sick Dialogue Tarantino surely we’re talking a banker?

NO.

I can speak for all the team here that whilst it is good to see Kurt Russel back playing at his growly voiced best the rest of this film falls flat and switching on Radio 4 for a 12 hour special on the credit crunch will be heaven compare to enduring this. Because this is not homage but simply Tarantino indulging in self gratification as it is just a Tararntino movie and a very poor one at that. Whereas your average QT flick has some quotable lines this has nothing of the sort and the acting is nothing short of diabolical with one stand out performance that will irk me to this day on several grounds. Step forward Tracie Thoms her dialogue is as follows ‘Nigga, bitch, muthafucka (shrieking laughter)’ now repeat this for a good hour and that’s her performance for the movie in a nutshell what makes this even more irksome is that Sydney Poitier is also in this movie. Given that the daughter of the great Sidney Poitier an actor who broke down the walls of racial division in the film industry and helped the portrayal of black character get away from stereotypes is in this, it can be viewed as ironic that it also contains a character that re-enforces those stereotypes. But overall this film is not irritating just plain boring, the dialogue is not the QT razor-sharp observations that we expect but just plain dull and boring in fact it is safe to say that for 90% of this movie nothing of any interest happens and the climax which should be cool and exciting just doesn’t engage because of what has gone before. Overall one of the worst 90 minutes I have witnessed in a cinema

So how to sum up? on their own Planet Terror is hugely entertaining stuff and Death Proof is tiresome dull shite. Viewed as one this is a very mixed bag, my recommendation just get Planet Terror and forget Death Proof Exists.

Rating: 8/10 (for Planet Terror alone as it great fun)

            2/10 (For Death Proof Kurt Russell saves a few points for it)

            5/10 (Overall for a good 1st half and very forgettable second)

Planet Terrific followed by Deathly Poor/

The remake of Friday the 13^th by Michael Bay is a poor remake of the classic film franchise combining elements from several of the original films. 

Clay is searching the area around crystal lake for his missing sister (a previous Jason victim). He meets a group of 18 year olds who are heading to a house by the side of the lake for sex drugs and rock and roll. Jason turns up and one by one they are killed with a variety of implements – on escaping from Jasons rampage – Clay finds and rescues his sister. Turns out she looks like jasons mother so she was kept chained up for 6 weeks in a network of tunnels. Eventually leading to a show down in which clay and his sister finish of Jason using a large machete, a length of chain and a wood chipper.

Now lets be honest, I enjoy a good slasher film as much as the next guy but this film was just pointless. It was filled with bad acting and extremely bad dialogue (more than the original films combined). A classic example of this would be when one guy is in bed with a seriously hot woman and says “your tits are stupendous” and “you have perfect nipple placement”. I shit you not.  Whoever put that in the script should be struck down.

As for special effects there was nothing special about this film. We have seen teenagers being slaughtered one after the other before, but this never brought anything new to the table. I think Michael bay just read the A to Z of horror movies and included every scare he could muster. But it has all been seen 30 years before.

There is a few nice ladies who at every opportunity get there breasts out and believe me some of the nicest breasts you have seen, however this is the only positive about this film.

Jason doesn’t really seem to have to cool mystique he had in the originals. Yeah he is big strong powerfull being, but he never ran and he was never really bothered by injuries. However this film makes him just a big strong guy. He had somehow managed to create a network of tunnels and installed lighting in the tunnels and also in the camp itself. He also seems to use ridiculous and pointless methods of killing such as tying someone in a sleeping bag and hanging over a fire – why? he had his machete. This film has slightly spoiled the character of Jason for me.

Ultimately this was a very predictable film. You could see maybe what Micahel Bay was doing, trying inject some realism into this film. However after Jason is dispatched they push his body into the lake – why? I have no idea.

If you want a good slasher film stick with the original franchise. They may be bad but they fall into the category of its good in a bad way, however this  remake is bad in a bad way and should be avoided.

Quote of the movie: Jason  - he doesn’t say a word.

Out of 10: 2/10

Don’t waste your time on this.

 

Hulk Vs Wolverine.

Back to the comic books again for the second of Marvel’s direct to DVD animated flicks. Another one to wet the appetite for an upcoming live action (this years wolverine) sees big old greeny pitted against everyone’s favourite mutant. Its not necessary to have watched Vs Thor as they are both stand alone stories but it think on the surface this would have the comic fanboys creaming themselves more than the Thor yarn.

The story starts with Wolverine being dispatched to take care of a out of control Hulk rampaging through towns and generally making a mess of wherever he goes. After short fistfight both Hulk and Wolverine are taken out and kidnapped by Sabretooth (Check your comics people) who is aided by among others Deadpool, Omega red and Lady Deathstrike. Hulk and Wolverine are taking to the weapon X  facility where they are to be made into weapons of warfare respectively. Needless to say things go awry and our 2 heroes cause a right bit of mayhem.

Now on its own this is fine and entertaining stuff and the fanboys will have happy faces with all the comic lore packed in BUT the story is very lightweight compare to Hulk Vs Thor and lacks any depth. There are some nifty action set pieces such as the Silhouetted wolverine taking out a team of armed guards but the whole thing feels very patchy and doesn’t flow all that too well. It seems as though they have just tried to squeeze in as many cameos for the fans as possible and neglected the narrative.

The plus point? The character of Deadpool is done to perfection and totally outshadows the rest of cast including the two leads, his wisecracking adds some much needed humour and you can’t help but hope he gets an animated movie of his own from Marvel. The big downside is Lady Deathstrike she just comes across as very one dimensional and you never really know why she has it in for Wolverine. On the whole this isn’t a bad feature just feels very lightweight compared to the much beefier Vs Thor.

By no means a failure but a let down after the bar was rasied high by Thor.

 

Rating 6/10

Not the SMASH you hoped for.

British Style Revenge

Dead mans shoes is a British straight down the line revenge thriller written by Shane Meadows and Paddy Considine and directed by Shane Meadows. 

The film follows Richard (Paddy Considine) an ex paratrooper, after being away for a number of years in the military, returns to his home town with one purpose – Revenge .  

Richard takes his retarded younger brother to  hide in an abandoned farm house from where he can direct his campaign of terror on  the gang of small time drug dealers and petit criminals who abused, bullied and tortured his younger brother whilst he was away in the military. Over the course of the film we see how Richards revenge affects the gang, building on fear and terror until the criminals are turning on each other.  The film ends with an amazing heart breaking twist which I won’t spoil for you but in the words of Zap Brannigan – will blow your mind.

As the film progresses it continues to build upon the suspense and dispersed with black and white grainy flashbacks of what this gang did to Anthony, ranging from mental and physical torture to complete humiliation, so we get a better understanding of this vigilante justice.

The acting is top notch with a great script. Retarded Anthony played by  Toby Kebbel, does a great job. Paddy Considine delivers a chilling but electrifying performance of a man struggling with redemption and revenge. Its a low budget film (as indicated buy the gang driving around in a banged up rsuty citroen 2CV)and there are probably better revenge films out there (Punisher War zone for example) but this being a low budget British film has loads of charm and is a good film to watch.

The film is brutal straight down the line with the morale that no one wins. Tragic yet brilliant at the same time.

Quote of the film: God will forgive them. He’ll forgive them and allow them into Heaven. I can’t live with that

Out of 10: 8/10

Hulk Vs Thor

We all now know that in 2011 Marvel are planning a live action Avengers flick and with one of the Avengers , Hulk getting a pretty damn re-introduction last year in the Incredible Hulk and the promise of a Thor movie next year this little direct to DVD animated feature could not pass us by. From the off I will confess that I am not a Thor fan and can’t get excited about a Thor movie as the costume will be so difficult to pull of in a live action it may just end up looking like Brian Blessed ala Flash Gordon (Though Mr Blessed as Thor would be damn entertaining!). And Hulk was never one of my fave comic book characters (That title is now taken by the Punisher). So to say that this has a lot of work to convince me is an understatement of Is Dame Edna really a man proportions.

First up the plot away up in Asgard, the kingdom of Thor , Odin enters his rest period which comes round every few years and leaves Asgard defenseless from the forces of evil lead by Thor’s evil brother. Every time Odin sleeps the evil blighters attempt to take Asgard for themselves and each time they fail kind of like Chelski managers. But this time Thor’s brother decides to go to the human realm and kidnap Dr Bruce Banner and through to magic jiggery pokery seriates Hulk from Banner and takes control of the Hulk via telepathic link he then assaults Asgard yet again. Only the Hulk is too difficult to control and breaks the link going out of control. Bruce Banner who is now in the afterlife where he is not the Hulk and married to betty must chose between the afterlife with the things he desired so much or to go back, take control of Hulk and save Asgard and all of existence.

Now I have to say I really, really enjoyed this a plot lifted straight out of the pages of marvel and executed to perfection. The action does not disappoint with the main Hulk v Thor battle delivering on all levels. The voice acting here is superb as well and the animation goes to show that you don’t need the sterile 3-D polished pixar look to make animation engaging and impressive to look at. But the heart of the story is great and Thor as well as Bruce Banner’s characters have a near perfect arc through the slightly lean 45minute running time which is the main drawback as it leaves some of the supporting characters a but underdeveloped.

But has McFlee has stated / ranted (I would pick the latter) many a time that if you keep faithful to the source material then you can’t got far wrong and this shows by making two comic heroes I usualy couldn’t give a shit about engaging for 45mins. I can only hope the second direct to DVD marvel movie Hulk Vs Wolverine can match the quality on display here. The only word of warning is though not to expect any sort Batman Gotham Knight as this is done in the Marvel spirit where the action takes centre stage. But if your looking for good quality comic book thrills on your TV you can’t go far wrong with This.

 

Rating 8/10

 

Good god, a thunderously smashing piece of fun!.

PUNISHER: WARZONE

Well as you can all tell, everyone here at Fightrunner HQ is a HUGE fan of the Marvel comic book hero The Punisher. Since we showed you the awesomely violent trailer for his latest movie incarnation “Punisher Warzone, we have all been waiting for it with baited breath. So when i saw it was out last weekend, I nearly pissed in my pants with excitement… Only to be bitterly disappointed in the fact that my local Cinema in Aberdeen wasn’t showing it for fuck know what reason!!!!

So what did I do? Well I did the only sane thing I could do… me and Inferno saddled up our horses (Mazda 6) and headed south to the nearest cinema, approx 55 miles away… I know its sad but we just needed our violence fix, and we needed it bad!

Punisher: Warzone doesn’t exactly follow on from his last incarnation played by Thomas Jane. This time the gun toting vigilante’s boots are filled by Ray Stevenson of Rome fame.

As a mob boss celebrates his 100th birthday in style, surrounded by all his underworld crones, the Punisher sees this as a perfect opportunity to clear the cities troubles out once and for all. He kicks of the party by decapitating the 100 year old Don before stirring up a shit storm in an almighty gun fight. This battle leaves a huge gap in the underworld which is soon filled by one Billy the Bute, so old Frank Castle decides he deserves some punishment… no scratch that gunishment too. After taking his crew apart, he bungs Billy into a glass recycler (big whirley churney up machine) but soon his rampage is cut short as he relises that one of the despatched henchmen was in fact an undercover FBI agent.

Now torn with the guilt of what he has done, Frank decides to give up the Punisher game, not for long though (yeah you saw that coming didn’t you?). It would seem the whurley machine didn’t finish off Billy and now hes back in town with his face all stitched up, calling himself “Jigsaw” and stirring up trouble. Time for the Punisher to get back into action!!!!

Sorry that went on for a bit really…. I was really really looking forward to this, especially after I heard he kills over 250 people in it and 30 of them in the first 10 mins. But to be honest it didn’t quite “be all it could be”! For sure all the violence was there… I mean fuck me was it there, I would go into all the gruesome killings but it would just spoil it for you really! But the film just didn’t live up to the comics for me. It was a mishmash of all the Marvel Max (adult editions) comics written by Garth Ennis… but the script just seemed rushed. I feel if they had just kept to one of the original brilliant stories this movie really could have been the action film of 2009.

One thing I will say, this truly is more of a Punisher movie than the Thomas Jane one, who incidentally didn’t want to make this one due to the level of violence involved, I mean what the fuck??? Its the Punisher… try reading the comic dude, he doesn’t go about getting people to sign petitions or something. I loved the cheesey 80’s version staring Dolf Lungren, but still this movie has more bite and Stevenson suits the part far more than the other two. He looks more the part and his style is certainly more that of Castle himself.

For me it was still a bloody good watch, in the same way that I can enjoy mindless violence films of the 80’s, I can enjoy this. That’s all it was made for, and before you say it ladies… this film was made by a woman!!! Ha, stick that in your pipe and smoke it bitch!!!!

Verdict: 7/10

If you like guns and grousome deaths, this is the movie for you… if not you should be PUNISHED!!!

 

Society

Another spin back into the ’80s here as I take a look at a cult movie that if you have seen, you will never ever forget and that’s a promise!. Along with McFlee I’ve also been a lazy fecker past week and when my SKY program guide showed that this was on Zone Horror I just knew it was time to get nostalgic all over again. I will say that for a movie with such an incredible reputation it goes unnoticed by so many so if you want to see a move with a real of the wall twist then look no further.

Basic premise is that 80’s teen idol Billy Warnock plays Bill Whitney the stereotype popular jock at a rich Beverly Hills suburb type neighbourhood. But he just doesn’t fit in with his vain, artificial family and neighbours and feels that things are not what they seem. Indeed there is not as he founds out what the highest tier of society is actually all about.

Yes I know I am going very light on plot and for damn good reason any more plot details and it will ruin what along with Oldboy rates as one of the most shocking and OTT climaxes to a movie ever believe me if you are new to this movie its a twist the likes of which may never be equalled. The main meat of the movie isn’t really that great and plods along but this is where the whole is much better than the parts. Where most horror movies doddle along with jabs of shock thrown in at regular intervals this one saves it all for the climax so if you start watching and your mind wonders then stick in there as its worth it.

 

Like I say I am having to be light on details as to avoid spoiling it for you good people. But another thing to point out is the dark humour on display throught which is masterfully written in. The movie has dated as its over 20 years old and it does play on very 80’s themes but they do transplant well to modern day (the obsession with celebrity).  But this is a true cult classic that any movie fan should familiarise themselves with.

Rating : 8/10

Don’t stick your nose up at this one.

UNDERWORLD

I was laying on the couch being a lazy cunt tonight after a long day sitting at work looking out of the window at the falling snow instead of getting on with things…. when I noticed Underworld was on. So I decided to post this review sice Inferno has just given us his verdict on the latest instalment.

Underworld is set in a gothic punk world, where vampires and werewolves battle out a secret war under the noses of the unaware humans. They have fought for centuries and few of them can remember the initial reason for said war. Selene (Kate Beckinsale), is a vampire that has a skill for terminating the pesky big hairy hoors (as well as a thing for wearing the most inappropriate clothing for combat, a rubber cat suit). When fighting the blighters she stumbles across a plot they have to infect a particular human with the lycan (werewolf to you and me) virus. She kinda saves him then seeks to find out why the wolves wanted him so much. Turns out that they are planning to mix the vampire virus and the lycan virus with the blood of this one human, a direct descendant of a Hungarian king that gave birth to both viruses, in order to create a super vampire-werewolf dude.

When I heard of this film I was fairly interested, yeah, I will admit it… I played vampire the masquerade as a kid (and early adult) and I loved it. This film seemed the closest I was gonna get. Funny thing is, later I found out that it was originaly gonna be based on the role play game but they couldn’t get the licence for it.

With this scripting and acting, its just as well the RPG guys stayed away. The plot is a good idea in principle, but its just put together so shoddily. There is no real human side to the movie with the exception of Michael Corvin (the super vamp-wolf dude)… this leaves the film disjointed and lacking the parallel between the awesome powers of these two creatures and us normal puny average Joe’s.

Also the acting is piss poor by most… with the notable exception of Bill Nighy. He plays the uncaring, cruel vampire lord with expert flair. Sadly this just serves to show up everyone else as the wooden crap bags that they are.

The werewolves are those balding, not really anything like a wolf type of werewolves… all CGI and look shite. And in one bit Selene crashes her car when she passes out from blood loss, then she thanks Michael for saving her from drowning. I mean come on!!!! Your a fucking vampire, you don’t “pass out” and you sure as shit cant drown can you????

If it wasn’t for Beckinsale’s hot ass in the rubber cat suit, I wouldn’t bother to watch this shite at all. Even the fight scenes are a bit lame… a lot of it was done with wire work, and it looks like it was done by the rejects from a chinese B-Movie. So appart from Kate’s arse, is there anything else worth a mention? Well I guess the style, set design and cinematography is pretty cool… but that doesn’t make up for shit in my book.

Verdict: 3.5/10

Vampire, Werewolf crossover that’s a real pain in the neck and will leave you howling for it to end.

Seeing as longer more padded  version of rugby just had its final ( super bowl to our American friends) the usual flurry of teaser trailers came along as well. here’s a run down of the biggies.

 

Transformers 2 – Revenge of the Fallen

Lets pray for some action were you keep track of who is fighting who and not wait till the last 10 minutes for the bad guy to appear!.

 

GI Joe – The rise of Cobra

If all esle fails Seinna Miller in a skin tight outfit, it all goes well it’ll be a 2 hours of ’80s nostalgia.

 

Land of The Lost

This will come down to how the idea of Will Ferrell, Time Travel and CGI monsters appeals to you …

 

Monsters Vs Aliens 3D

Personally, i’m getting tired of the pixar / dreamworks wagon. But its in 3D

 

Year One

Jack Black playing a clumsy oafish caveman. Don’t need to say anything else.

 

Angels and Demons

Most unwanted sequel ever? I reckon so.

 

Star Trek

A few new shots of Kirk and his first meeting with bones. I’m still 50/50 on this one.

 

Fast and Furious 4

If done right could be pure dumbass fun, if wrong god help us all!.

 

Race to Witch Mountain

Disney movie with the Rock as cab driver who unsuspectingly picks up a pair of kids that are actually Aliens. (make your own mind up)