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TAKEN

Seeing as there was no films about Zombie Nazi’s left at the old blockbuster store, Inferno and myself decided to rent a more mainstream, but still blokey film. I had only heard good things about this movie and I was pretty optimistic.

The plot: Liam Neeson plays Bryan Mills, a retired CIA agent who is trying to be closer to his daughter as she grows into a young woman. The pressures of his old lifestyle has already broken his marriage and his daughter now lives with her cunt of a mother who has shacked up with some old rich dude that keeps trying to buy her affection. Mills realises that he has to make up for all the time he was away on missions as his daughter was growing up, when she asks if she can travel in Europe for a few weeks with a friend, he is reluctant but realises that he may loose her if he doesn’t allow her to grow up.

Turns out this was a bad idea, as she is only in France a few hours when her friend and her are kidnapped by Albanian pimps. She is on the phone to her father as it happens and he talks to one of the abductors, vowing to use his CIA skills to track them down and kill them all. When he arrives in France, it doesn’t take him long to start putting clues together and soon he is on to there case. Cue the onslaught of uber violence as he beats, shoots, explodes and brutally tortures his way through the European underworld in order to locate his beloved daughter.

Neeson is outstanding in this movie. To be honest, he has made a living out of playing stony faced serious types and you know what? He does it here again… but he does it so well that you just have to love him for it. He is about 55 now, but he still comes across as a pretty fit dude. You can honestly believe that he can handle himself as you are presented with him taking on an entire crack house full of Albanian scum bags and handing them the beat down of the millennium.

The violence is pretty extreme, not overly gory, just you can see the rage inside Nessons character as he desperately tries to get his daughter back. It soon becomes apparent that he will stop at nothing to achieve this. One scene in particular conveys this, he tortures a man by ramming two 6 inch nails into his thigh bones, then attaches them to the house mains via crocodile clips…. OOCHAAA!!! Also heads get smashed in car doors, a dude gets a broken bottle stabbed into his chest, another gets a fire extinguisher rammed off his face 8 or 9 times and more people get chopped in the throat than I care to remember.

This movie is dark and violent, but I still think that most women will still enjoy it, as every moment in this film, you can see the love that Neesons character has for his daughter. You know that although he is being a brutal monster at times, it is all spawned for that love that can never be broken. Have to say it again, Neeson is unbelievably good in this!!!

Dark, broody, violent, intelegent film making, that is a relief after this years wishy washy cinema realises.

Verdict: 9/10

Let it TAKE your attention to the darker side of life.

Jaws

Even the title should be enough to sum this one up, in fact no other movie could be explained and reviewed just by mentioning the title. Here I am after managing a keeping my attention span to 10 minutes of watching “An Inconvenient Truth” (hell even Ron Jeremy would be impressed with that stamina) i decided to reach for the movie that never fails when there is fuck all else on. To say this movie is re-watch able is akin to saying “here that Jessica Alba would be worth a go” quite simply my movie watching year is incomplete without firing this shiny disc up at least 20 times a year.

So you want to know the plot do you ?

Are you serious?

You really want a synopsis for this?

What fucking planet have you yet to evolve from to not know the story of this?.

Well i might as well entertain those who suffer the huge disadvantage in life of not having seen this. Small Island of the North East Coast of USA. Hippy late night party on beach. Drunk girl and drunk guy run of for skinny dipping. Drunk girl swims off while drunk guy passes out. Drunk girl eaten alive but you never see the shark. Police chief fears shark attack. Mayor says no. Little kid chomped by shark. Shark hunt catches a shark. Wrong Shark. Another bather chomped. Crusty old seaman hired to get shark. Police Chief, Crusty Old Seaman and Biologist go out after shark. Final third of shark getting chased by trio.

Now I can wax about what makes this movie a fucking masterpiece and one of the most iconic pieces of cinema in existence. It is no known secret that in making this movie the script was incomplete and was being written as it was being filmed hence a lot of what is on the screen is improvised. The opening scene sets the tone for the movie, The young girl getting eaten by the unseen shark is primal and chilling to the core but is just one of many classic scenes. In fact every minute of this movie is a classic scene as there is no one scene that does not contribute to the overall narrative. But the standout is the Indianapolis speech delivered by Robert Shaw as Quint is a show stopper and to think it was only going to be a paragraph.

The acting is spot on as the main trio each represent a different section of society. Rob Scheider as the middle class Chief Of Police out of his depth Chief Brody, Richard Dreyfuss as the Smart upper class marine biologist over confident of his abilities Matt Hooper and the working man hard as nails also over confident of his tried and tested methods Quint. The chemistry between Dreyfuss and Shaw is lightning in a bottle stuff and given the strained relationship between the actors on set is no surprise this comes across so well on screen.

Special effects are basic and in any other movie would be laughable but because they are used so sparsely (take note George Lucas) you never notice. Instead the tension and suspense do the work for you so when the shark jumps out its still a shock even after almost 30 years. But also we have to mention the sound track and THAT theme which is now so synonymous with sharks that if you go swimming and see a fin you have expect the thump thump to accompany it.

Overall all i can say is just go and buy this on DVD. Now don’t listen to me anymore just buy it and watch it, then watch again, and again, and again, and again. For a fishy tale this never goes off or loses its bite ever. Hell even Jaws 4 still can’t dent the reputation of this now can you say the same of Star Wars and Phantom Menace?.

Rating 10/10

You don’t need a bigger boat just a durable DVD that can take the repeated viewings!

Bronson

Following on from the superlative Watchmen we have this gritty indie Brit flick about the notorious Charles Bronson dubbed ‘Britain’s most violent’ prisoner’ and the reason why this follows from Watchmen is we have a lead actor who looks spookily like the real life subject matter in hand. But this is a very difficult movie to pigeon hole as its not a biopic in the traditional sense but more select moment from the life of the notorious man. The story is simple enough as a young man Michael Peterson was a fairly normal lad but with very thuggish tendencies, after a post office robbery he is sent to prison for 7 years which due to his violent nature turns into over 30 years interrupted briefly by a 69 day stint on the outside.

Now what sets this movie apart is its style narrated by Bronson (Tom Hardy) in parts we enter Bronson’s mind via him doing monologues in a theatre to an encapsulated audience as we cut back from the narrative to Bronson in the present day. And here is the big selling point of the movie : Tom Hardy never before will you see a performance which blurs the lines between acting and reality so much. All through the piece it is impossible to say at any time this is acting, its a man embodying the role to perfection so much that like I say he just is Bronson for the running time not some one playing him. The direction is also superb here and while the pacing maybe a little slow for some it adds tension as in every scene you are just waiting for Bronson to explode into violent rage and sometimes he does and sometimes not so you never quite know which way its going to go.

For all the controversy surrounding this movie about glamorising the subject matter i for one am glad he’s still locked up as though you understand the character he is still unnerving and repulsive but always inactivating.The supporting cast is a cavalcade of British TV talent and will have you going ahh i know him he seems familiar but from where?. There is a very black humour running through this piece and the violence for me seems to have been toned down a but as i felt it would be more brutal. The only downside is for me this feels like a movie that has been tampered with, for some reason i just felt that this is not the directors true vision as for me some scenes seemed to end abrubtly one can only hope that the DVD release will have an extended director’s cut.

Also a special mention for the soundtrack which hits all the bases but this is like watchmen a perfect marriage of substance and style neither one outdoes the other and a lead role that says fuck you to those who say the Brits can’t do method acting. And if you want people to avoid prison then this gritty, grimy, funny, depressing film will do the job. After the hype and let down of the big Brit flick Eden Lake last year thank goodness there is still something original out there from these shores

(Unasahmedlu stealing Inferno’s suggestion here)

Quote of the movie: “You need a new name like movie star”

                                  “How about Charlton Heston?”

                                  “Charlton Heston? please dear the man’s a cunt!”

Verdict: 9/10 : Come on an watch this you Cunts!

Grindhouse

Another snowed in weekend for us in fightrunner land lead us to seeing that Grindhouse was showing in the local picture house. Now given that the last time these 2 directors teamed up was in the Brilliant Sin City, the thought of Rodruguez and Tarantino teaming up make an homage to Exploitation movies was intruguing to say the least. So for th e first time the fightrunner team got together , put our woolies on and braved the extreme conditions ( A slight dusting of snow on the ground) to see what was what.

Now Grindhouse was released back in 2007 as a 3 hour double feature in the USA and then when released in Europe both movies where released separately and extended each to a 2hr30min run-time word was at first that the yanks didn’t get what it was all about but upon watching the restored double feature the logic behind each movie being released separately becomes clear as day.

The opening half is the Rodriguez directed Planet terror a tribute to good old fashioned zombie movies. The plot as recognizable as an invasion of the undead, nasty experimental government research chemical gets released by accident and small town gets infected loner anti hero distrusted by the grumpy sheriff leads them to salvation out of said small town.Planet terror is great fun smart, gory and packed with the blackest humour. Also the casting is spot on Rose McGowan as the sassy heroine, Freddy Rodriguez as the loner, Josh Brolin as the evil doctor, Michael Biehn (Good to see him back) as the grumpy small town Sheriff all hit their marks well and all seem too understand the tongue in cheek humour. The body count here is sky high and the car charge through hordes of infected is both thrilling and hilarious at the same time and testament to the director for putting the lead man in a mini motorcycle and somehow making it seem plausible. Also a thumbs up to Rose McGowan who features in that iconic role as the sexiest amputee femme fatale to date(come to think of it ever as Femme Fatale amputees are a rare breed!). But to the director a sterling job done in walking that thin line between Parody and Homage and on its own Planet terror is an excellent Horror movie well worth checking out with great cast, action, music and overall direction.

Now this brings us to the second feature which at the very least is different to what came before. On the face of it it sounds like it can’t fail Kurt Russel as an ex-stuntman who prowls on groups of young girls in his Death proof car whilst being directed by the master of the sick Dialogue Tarantino surely we’re talking a banker?

NO.

I can speak for all the team here that whilst it is good to see Kurt Russel back playing at his growly voiced best the rest of this film falls flat and switching on Radio 4 for a 12 hour special on the credit crunch will be heaven compare to enduring this. Because this is not homage but simply Tarantino indulging in self gratification as it is just a Tararntino movie and a very poor one at that. Whereas your average QT flick has some quotable lines this has nothing of the sort and the acting is nothing short of diabolical with one stand out performance that will irk me to this day on several grounds. Step forward Tracie Thoms her dialogue is as follows ‘Nigga, bitch, muthafucka (shrieking laughter)’ now repeat this for a good hour and that’s her performance for the movie in a nutshell what makes this even more irksome is that Sydney Poitier is also in this movie. Given that the daughter of the great Sidney Poitier an actor who broke down the walls of racial division in the film industry and helped the portrayal of black character get away from stereotypes is in this, it can be viewed as ironic that it also contains a character that re-enforces those stereotypes. But overall this film is not irritating just plain boring, the dialogue is not the QT razor-sharp observations that we expect but just plain dull and boring in fact it is safe to say that for 90% of this movie nothing of any interest happens and the climax which should be cool and exciting just doesn’t engage because of what has gone before. Overall one of the worst 90 minutes I have witnessed in a cinema

So how to sum up? on their own Planet Terror is hugely entertaining stuff and Death Proof is tiresome dull shite. Viewed as one this is a very mixed bag, my recommendation just get Planet Terror and forget Death Proof Exists.

Rating: 8/10 (for Planet Terror alone as it great fun)

            2/10 (For Death Proof Kurt Russell saves a few points for it)

            5/10 (Overall for a good 1st half and very forgettable second)

Planet Terrific followed by Deathly Poor/

Hulk Vs Wolverine.

Back to the comic books again for the second of Marvel’s direct to DVD animated flicks. Another one to wet the appetite for an upcoming live action (this years wolverine) sees big old greeny pitted against everyone’s favourite mutant. Its not necessary to have watched Vs Thor as they are both stand alone stories but it think on the surface this would have the comic fanboys creaming themselves more than the Thor yarn.

The story starts with Wolverine being dispatched to take care of a out of control Hulk rampaging through towns and generally making a mess of wherever he goes. After short fistfight both Hulk and Wolverine are taken out and kidnapped by Sabretooth (Check your comics people) who is aided by among others Deadpool, Omega red and Lady Deathstrike. Hulk and Wolverine are taking to the weapon X  facility where they are to be made into weapons of warfare respectively. Needless to say things go awry and our 2 heroes cause a right bit of mayhem.

Now on its own this is fine and entertaining stuff and the fanboys will have happy faces with all the comic lore packed in BUT the story is very lightweight compare to Hulk Vs Thor and lacks any depth. There are some nifty action set pieces such as the Silhouetted wolverine taking out a team of armed guards but the whole thing feels very patchy and doesn’t flow all that too well. It seems as though they have just tried to squeeze in as many cameos for the fans as possible and neglected the narrative.

The plus point? The character of Deadpool is done to perfection and totally outshadows the rest of cast including the two leads, his wisecracking adds some much needed humour and you can’t help but hope he gets an animated movie of his own from Marvel. The big downside is Lady Deathstrike she just comes across as very one dimensional and you never really know why she has it in for Wolverine. On the whole this isn’t a bad feature just feels very lightweight compared to the much beefier Vs Thor.

By no means a failure but a let down after the bar was rasied high by Thor.

Rating 6/10

Not the SMASH you hoped for.

Hulk Vs Thor

We all now know that in 2011 Marvel are planning a live action Avengers flick and with one of the Avengers , Hulk getting a pretty damn re-introduction last year in the Incredible Hulk and the promise of a Thor movie next year this little direct to DVD animated feature could not pass us by. From the off I will confess that I am not a Thor fan and can’t get excited about a Thor movie as the costume will be so difficult to pull of in a live action it may just end up looking like Brian Blessed ala Flash Gordon (Though Mr Blessed as Thor would be damn entertaining!). And Hulk was never one of my fave comic book characters (That title is now taken by the Punisher). So to say that this has a lot of work to convince me is an understatement of Is Dame Edna really a man proportions.

First up the plot away up in Asgard, the kingdom of Thor , Odin enters his rest period which comes round every few years and leaves Asgard defenseless from the forces of evil lead by Thor’s evil brother. Every time Odin sleeps the evil blighters attempt to take Asgard for themselves and each time they fail kind of like Chelski managers. But this time Thor’s brother decides to go to the human realm and kidnap Dr Bruce Banner and through to magic jiggery pokery seriates Hulk from Banner and takes control of the Hulk via telepathic link he then assaults Asgard yet again. Only the Hulk is too difficult to control and breaks the link going out of control. Bruce Banner who is now in the afterlife where he is not the Hulk and married to betty must chose between the afterlife with the things he desired so much or to go back, take control of Hulk and save Asgard and all of existence.

Now I have to say I really, really enjoyed this a plot lifted straight out of the pages of marvel and executed to perfection. The action does not disappoint with the main Hulk v Thor battle delivering on all levels. The voice acting here is superb as well and the animation goes to show that you don’t need the sterile 3-D polished pixar look to make animation engaging and impressive to look at. But the heart of the story is great and Thor as well as Bruce Banner’s characters have a near perfect arc through the slightly lean 45minute running time which is the main drawback as it leaves some of the supporting characters a but underdeveloped.

But has McFlee has stated / ranted (I would pick the latter) many a time that if you keep faithful to the source material then you can’t got far wrong and this shows by making two comic heroes I usualy couldn’t give a shit about engaging for 45mins. I can only hope the second direct to DVD marvel movie Hulk Vs Wolverine can match the quality on display here. The only word of warning is though not to expect any sort Batman Gotham Knight as this is done in the Marvel spirit where the action takes centre stage. But if your looking for good quality comic book thrills on your TV you can’t go far wrong with This.

Rating 8/10

Good god, a thunderously smashing piece of fun!.

PUNISHER: WARZONE

Well as you can all tell, everyone here at Fightrunner HQ is a HUGE fan of the Marvel comic book hero The Punisher. Since we showed you the awesomely violent trailer for his latest movie incarnation “Punisher Warzone, we have all been waiting for it with baited breath. So when i saw it was out last weekend, I nearly pissed in my pants with excitement… Only to be bitterly disappointed in the fact that my local Cinema in Aberdeen wasn’t showing it for fuck know what reason!!!!

So what did I do? Well I did the only sane thing I could do… me and Inferno saddled up our horses (Mazda 6) and headed south to the nearest cinema, approx 55 miles away… I know its sad but we just needed our violence fix, and we needed it bad!

Punisher: Warzone doesn’t exactly follow on from his last incarnation played by Thomas Jane. This time the gun toting vigilante’s boots are filled by Ray Stevenson of Rome fame.

As a mob boss celebrates his 100th birthday in style, surrounded by all his underworld crones, the Punisher sees this as a perfect opportunity to clear the cities troubles out once and for all. He kicks of the party by decapitating the 100 year old Don before stirring up a shit storm in an almighty gun fight. This battle leaves a huge gap in the underworld which is soon filled by one Billy the Bute, so old Frank Castle decides he deserves some punishment… no scratch that gunishment too. After taking his crew apart, he bungs Billy into a glass recycler (big whirley churney up machine) but soon his rampage is cut short as he relises that one of the despatched henchmen was in fact an undercover FBI agent.

Now torn with the guilt of what he has done, Frank decides to give up the Punisher game, not for long though (yeah you saw that coming didn’t you?). It would seem the whurley machine didn’t finish off Billy and now hes back in town with his face all stitched up, calling himself “Jigsaw” and stirring up trouble. Time for the Punisher to get back into action!!!!

Sorry that went on for a bit really…. I was really really looking forward to this, especially after I heard he kills over 250 people in it and 30 of them in the first 10 mins. But to be honest it didn’t quite “be all it could be”! For sure all the violence was there… I mean fuck me was it there, I would go into all the gruesome killings but it would just spoil it for you really! But the film just didn’t live up to the comics for me. It was a mishmash of all the Marvel Max (adult editions) comics written by Garth Ennis… but the script just seemed rushed. I feel if they had just kept to one of the original brilliant stories this movie really could have been the action film of 2009.

One thing I will say, this truly is more of a Punisher movie than the Thomas Jane one, who incidentally didn’t want to make this one due to the level of violence involved, I mean what the fuck??? Its the Punisher… try reading the comic dude, he doesn’t go about getting people to sign petitions or something. I loved the cheesey 80’s version staring Dolf Lungren, but still this movie has more bite and Stevenson suits the part far more than the other two. He looks more the part and his style is certainly more that of Castle himself.

For me it was still a bloody good watch, in the same way that I can enjoy mindless violence films of the 80’s, I can enjoy this. That’s all it was made for, and before you say it ladies… this film was made by a woman!!! Ha, stick that in your pipe and smoke it bitch!!!!

Verdict: 7/10

If you like guns and grousome deaths, this is the movie for you… if not you should be PUNISHED!!!

Society

Another spin back into the ’80s here as I take a look at a cult movie that if you have seen, you will never ever forget and that’s a promise!. Along with McFlee I’ve also been a lazy fecker past week and when my SKY program guide showed that this was on Zone Horror I just knew it was time to get nostalgic all over again. I will say that for a movie with such an incredible reputation it goes unnoticed by so many so if you want to see a move with a real of the wall twist then look no further.

Basic premise is that 80’s teen idol Billy Warnock plays Bill Whitney the stereotype popular jock at a rich Beverly Hills suburb type neighbourhood. But he just doesn’t fit in with his vain, artificial family and neighbours and feels that things are not what they seem. Indeed there is not as he founds out what the highest tier of society is actually all about.

Yes I know I am going very light on plot and for damn good reason any more plot details and it will ruin what along with Oldboy rates as one of the most shocking and OTT climaxes to a movie ever believe me if you are new to this movie its a twist the likes of which may never be equalled. The main meat of the movie isn’t really that great and plods along but this is where the whole is much better than the parts. Where most horror movies doddle along with jabs of shock thrown in at regular intervals this one saves it all for the climax so if you start watching and your mind wonders then stick in there as its worth it.

Like I say I am having to be light on details as to avoid spoiling it for you good people. But another thing to point out is the dark humour on display throught which is masterfully written in. The movie has dated as its over 20 years old and it does play on very 80’s themes but they do transplant well to modern day (the obsession with celebrity).  But this is a true cult classic that any movie fan should familiarise themselves with.

Rating : 8/10

Don’t stick your nose up at this one.

UNDERWORLD

I was laying on the couch being a lazy cunt tonight after a long day sitting at work looking out of the window at the falling snow instead of getting on with things…. when I noticed Underworld was on. So I decided to post this review sice Inferno has just given us his verdict on the latest instalment.

Underworld is set in a gothic punk world, where vampires and werewolves battle out a secret war under the noses of the unaware humans. They have fought for centuries and few of them can remember the initial reason for said war. Selene (Kate Beckinsale), is a vampire that has a skill for terminating the pesky big hairy hoors (as well as a thing for wearing the most inappropriate clothing for combat, a rubber cat suit). When fighting the blighters she stumbles across a plot they have to infect a particular human with the lycan (werewolf to you and me) virus. She kinda saves him then seeks to find out why the wolves wanted him so much. Turns out that they are planning to mix the vampire virus and the lycan virus with the blood of this one human, a direct descendant of a Hungarian king that gave birth to both viruses, in order to create a super vampire-werewolf dude.

When I heard of this film I was fairly interested, yeah, I will admit it… I played vampire the masquerade as a kid (and early adult) and I loved it. This film seemed the closest I was gonna get. Funny thing is, later I found out that it was originaly gonna be based on the role play game but they couldn’t get the licence for it.

With this scripting and acting, its just as well the RPG guys stayed away. The plot is a good idea in principle, but its just put together so shoddily. There is no real human side to the movie with the exception of Michael Corvin (the super vamp-wolf dude)… this leaves the film disjointed and lacking the parallel between the awesome powers of these two creatures and us normal puny average Joe’s.

Also the acting is piss poor by most… with the notable exception of Bill Nighy. He plays the uncaring, cruel vampire lord with expert flair. Sadly this just serves to show up everyone else as the wooden crap bags that they are.

The werewolves are those balding, not really anything like a wolf type of werewolves… all CGI and look shite. And in one bit Selene crashes her car when she passes out from blood loss, then she thanks Michael for saving her from drowning. I mean come on!!!! Your a fucking vampire, you don’t “pass out” and you sure as shit cant drown can you????

If it wasn’t for Beckinsale’s hot ass in the rubber cat suit, I wouldn’t bother to watch this shite at all. Even the fight scenes are a bit lame… a lot of it was done with wire work, and it looks like it was done by the rejects from a chinese B-Movie. So appart from Kate’s arse, is there anything else worth a mention? Well I guess the style, set design and cinematography is pretty cool… but that doesn’t make up for shit in my book.

Verdict: 3.5/10

Vampire, Werewolf crossover that’s a real pain in the neck and will leave you howling for it to end.

Total Recall

Time for a movie that is ingrained in the DNA of every member of the fightrunner team, Total Recall. As you know we all have a soft spot for the mighty Austrian Oak round these parts and when this classic popped up on my TV screen a few weeks ago I realised we had never given it the TLC that it deserves. So, being the moral crusader for justice that I am I have decided to give this piece the treatment it deserves.

Storywise, you should all know this one off by heart and if hear anyone say that they have never watched it I can only conclude three things:

1.) You’re a girl

2.) You’re gay

3.) You’re clinically insane.

So for these three groups I will explain the plot. In the near future Arnie plays Douglas Quaid a construction worker who is haunted by dreams of mars and a mysterious woman that appears in said dreams. Upon visiting a clinic that transplants memories of vacations direct into the human mind, it triggers repressed memories of a previous life on Mars. Being chased by a mysterious team of heavies he runs to Mars to find out his true indemnity and gets wound up in a plot of rebellion against a dictator and a battle to provide free air for the inhabitants of the Mars colony.

Simple but effective as this is essentially one very long chase movie jam packed with that OTT violence violence we have come to expect from both the lead actor and director (Paul Verhoeven). And way too many cool fights, explosions, car chases and gun fights to mention. This is just simply a reminder of why the 80’s was the decade of the action movie as the action is comes thick and fast with non of the irony that seems to fill up modern day actioners. Memorable lines ? way too many here and I bet you have heard them all one minor sticking point may be the absence of ‘I’ll be back’ from the Schwarz. In short there is way too much good stuff packed into the running time for me to mention but one stand out would be the subway chase with Arnie using a dead body as a bullet shield and the literal disarming of Michael Ironsides head goon. One thing overlooked in this movie is the special effects which still hold up to this day and overall this movie hasn’t aged badly.

What you have here is a perfect merging of director and star with the ideal script, a true Action/Sci-Fi classic.

Rating: 9/10

Totally amazing!